Nice one, sir! -
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Thursday 9th August '01 - 23.24pm:
Saw this bit of the press conference on the late news tonight. It was brilliant! Thought you looked really good sitting there with Michael and Ellen, and all the journalists asking questions and that. I thought I would transcribe it here...
Sir Art: "I have appealed on a number of occasions to the National Bird & Wildlife League which is holding Mave Parker, to let her go unharmed. We are of one mind and under firm resolve here at the television station, that she must be released, and we will not, under any circumstances, pay the ransom money that the kidnappers are demanding."
Press reporter: "How long can this ransom saga go on?"
Sir Art: "As long as it takes."
Michael Macintyre: "Do you mind if I just say something here? This is to the kidnappers. Look, just let her go. I mean, she's a little old lady for goodness' sake. Alright, she wasn't the world's greatest cleaner, and often shied away from performing many of her duties at the station. She always used to give the main staircase the most perfunctory of polishes with her mop; but we don't hold that against her, and we miss her cheerful manner..."
At this point Rodney Clambake rushed on from where he was standing by the side of the stage, and grabbed the microphone:
Rodney Clambake: "Mave! I've been using your toenail clippers from out of your locker while you've been away, and also read your Bella cover to cover, and that whatsit - Top Of The Pops Magazine you 'ad. 'Ere, 'ope you didn't need it 'cos I've given it me niece, Keeley. And I've found an old packet of Bisto near your slippers, and used it. Ere - ! Gerroff! Ere, leave it out, guv'nor. No funny business!"
Rodney was wrangled away from the microphone by a couple of burly blokes. Then it went back to the newsreader in the studio, Kent Wallace:
Kent Wallace: "Strong emotions there at Channel Z Television, filmed earlier today. And strong words too from station president Sir Art Chorlton, who joins me on the line, from the studios of Channel Z in Milford, Derbyshire. Sir Art, you said earlier today that you are willing to hold out for, and I quote, "as long as it takes" for the kidnappers to get tired of playing the waiting game. Are you really saying that you are prepared to wait indefinitely for Mave Parker to be freed?"
Sir Art: "Again, I feel it behoves me, on behalf of the station, and indeed on behalf of all right-thinking citizens, to make a point of showing this rag-tag group of miscreants that we will never give in to their form of cowardice and thuggery."
Kent Wallace: "But Mave Parker may be in danger of her life. Surely you can appreciate that and feel a sense of responsibility for her plight. After all the ransom request was made to Channel Z - to your television station."
Sir Art: "I say to you, Kent, and to the kidnappers themselves - who've all got mothers; who've all got people like Mave Parker in their families - that if Mave Parker be in danger, then I will face that danger with Mave Parker. If Mave Parker be threatened, then I will be threatened with Mave Parker. Do you hear what I'm saying, Kent? Hello? You're breaking up. I can't hear you."
Kent Wallace: "With the best will in the world, Sir Art, it's Mave Parker who is the hostage in this case, not you."
Then you went on a bit more, about liberty and justice and how we should fight for everything we believe in, until Kent cut you off and went on to the next story, about problems with grant-maintained schools. I really liked your thing about, "If I'm in grave danger, she is in grave danger" and so forth. Brilliant, sir! As we know Mave isn't in danger and has betrayed us really. But I won't tell anyone about that, sir, except Hetty who knows. She's phoned me again a bit earlier. She's going to hitch hike to Manchester tomorrow morning she says, and then get the bus and come down. I don't know where she's going to stay. I'd rather Anna didn't find out about it all. She's not staying with me.
By the way, is it true that Michael Macintyre and Ellen have split up and Michael's moved out of their house? Where is he living now then?
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Nice one, sir! -
Thursday 9th August '01 - 23.24pm: Saw this bit of the press conference on the late news tonight. It was brilliant! Thought you looked really good sitting there with Michael and Ellen, and all the journalists asking questions and that. I thought I would transcribe it here... Sir Art: "I have appealed on a number of occasions to the National Bird & Wildlife League which is holding Mave Parker, to let her go unharmed. We are of one mind and under firm resolve here at the television station, that she must be released, and we will not, under any circumstances, pay the ransom money that the kidnappers are demanding." Press reporter: "How long can this ransom saga go on?" Sir Art: "As long as it takes." Michael Macintyre: "Do you mind if I just say something here? This is to the kidnappers. Look, just let her go. I mean, she's a little old lady for goodness' sake. Alright, she wasn't the world's greatest cleaner, and often shied away from performing many of her duties at the station. She always used to give the main staircase the most perfunctory of polishes with her mop; but we don't hold that against her, and we miss her cheerful manner..." At this point Rodney Clambake rushed on from where he was standing by the side of the stage, and grabbed the microphone: Rodney Clambake: "Mave! I've been using your toenail clippers from out of your locker while you've been away, and also read your Bella cover to cover, and that whatsit - Top Of The Pops Magazine you 'ad. 'Ere, 'ope you didn't need it 'cos I've given it me niece, Keeley. And I've found an old packet of Bisto near your slippers, and used it. Ere - ! Gerroff! Ere, leave it out, guv'nor. No funny business!" Rodney was wrangled away from the microphone by a couple of burly blokes. Then it went back to the newsreader in the studio, Kent Wallace: Kent Wallace: "Strong emotions there at Channel Z Television, filmed earlier today. And strong words too from station president Sir Art Chorlton, who joins me on the line, from the studios of Channel Z in Milford, Derbyshire. Sir Art, you said earlier today that you are willing to hold out for, and I quote, "as long as it takes" for the kidnappers to get tired of playing the waiting game. Are you really saying that you are prepared to wait indefinitely for Mave Parker to be freed?" Sir Art: "Again, I feel it behoves me, on behalf of the station, and indeed on behalf of all right-thinking citizens, to make a point of showing this rag-tag group of miscreants that we will never give in to their form of cowardice and thuggery." Kent Wallace: "But Mave Parker may be in danger of her life. Surely you can appreciate that and feel a sense of responsibility for her plight. After all the ransom request was made to Channel Z - to your television station." Sir Art: "I say to you, Kent, and to the kidnappers themselves - who've all got mothers; who've all got people like Mave Parker in their families - that if Mave Parker be in danger, then I will face that danger with Mave Parker. If Mave Parker be threatened, then I will be threatened with Mave Parker. Do you hear what I'm saying, Kent? Hello? You're breaking up. I can't hear you." Kent Wallace: "With the best will in the world, Sir Art, it's Mave Parker who is the hostage in this case, not you." Then you went on a bit more, about liberty and justice and how we should fight for everything we believe in, until Kent cut you off and went on to the next story, about problems with grant-maintained schools. I really liked your thing about, "If I'm in grave danger, she is in grave danger" and so forth. Brilliant, sir! As we know Mave isn't in danger and has betrayed us really. But I won't tell anyone about that, sir, except Hetty who knows. She's phoned me again a bit earlier. She's going to hitch hike to Manchester tomorrow morning she says, and then get the bus and come down. I don't know where she's going to stay. I'd rather Anna didn't find out about it all. She's not staying with me. By the way, is it true that Michael Macintyre and Ellen have split up and Michael's moved out of their house? Where is he living now then? |
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