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Rum doings

Monday 30th July ‘01 - 22.09pm

Firstly, thanks again for the money. I really appreciate it. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much money of my own. No , I haven’t. My landlord Mr Tideswell was really pleased when I showed up with my three months rent - and in cash. I showed you how much I spent on all my resources. I kept every receipt, didn't I? So you didn’t have to be so generous. Thanks again.

I appreciate the use of the laptop. It'll be useful for sending you emails. I'll try to take good care of it...(is it insured though?)

I did what you said and phoned in sick to Alan’s Cycles this morning. Alan wasn’t there, but Petra was really understanding. She said things like ‘Poor lamb’ and ‘Ah, don’t worry yourself darling’. I wondered whether it was appropriate that she was calling me darling. Or was it just her maternal mothering leaning?

I said I had been sick in the night and you can’t argue with that can you?

I’m typing this in a shed in the grounds of the Twitchers’ complex. Once again I found it no problem to get into the complex. I arrived at about 20.30pm after an eight hour coach journey from Derby to Windermere, during which I completed three wordsearches. I sat next to an interesting man called Jim Hodges, who told me that in his youth he had lived for a time as a hermit on waste ground in the Lake District. He is now a successful accounts adviser.

The tranquil Howden Water in the Lakes

Tuesday 31st July '01 - 20.23pm

A really good day in terms of gathering the research you have specifically asked for, sir.

Let's get the facts laid down first. The twitchers nest is a medium sized ex-military base set in an obscure corner of the Lake District, miles from anywhere. Well, it is in fact about ten miles north east of Windermere (with easy access to Junction 38 of the M6, but that's not important).

It is close to Howden Water, one of the famous lakes which make up the Lake District (hence the name). On the banks of the tranquil Howden Water sits the small hamlet of Ottersdale, which is the closest inhabited place to the twitchers nest. They get all their supplies from Ottersdale (and mainly from the General Supplies Store).

Ottersdale in turn is about four miles north of Widow's Elbow, which is where Mave Parker was kidnapped from and where her sister Jenny Luscombe lives. The irony is, sir, that Jenny's sister is being held to ransom right under her very nose (well, about four miles away, so she would have to have a big nose! I was speaking metaphorically, sir. I think you probably knew that).

Anyway, the really exciting news that I've found out - well, that we've found out - is that Mave is not being held at ransom at all. At least, not against her will anyway.

Read more on this here...

Moundy Plateau

Thursday 2nd August ‘01 - 20.18pm

Hello boss. I resisted the temptation to go undercover and join the twitchers. I think I’ve probably got all the information that you want without going to that risk, don‘t you think? And also it might be suspicious when I try and leave. I’ve told Petra that I’ll be back at work at Alan’s Cycle Shop on Monday.

Spent a really good day yesterday tramping the moors out and about near Ottersdale with Hetty as our guide. She is very knowledgeable about the local area - flora and fauna, that sort of thing. In fact when she was fifteen she came top in a local inter-school geography quiz, although her specialist subject for that was population growth vs. land resources in Japan.

We went up to a place called Moundy Plateau. There was a series of caves, which were blocked off and you couldn’t get into. Then she showed me a small fissure in the rock beneath our feet. Breathless from the climb she turned to face me and whispered: ‘We're standing just above a collection of rare eggs - all stolen - worth . . . around $100,000.’ I was staggered. I asked her if we could get down to them but she said no, it was not possible. It would have been too dangerous.

We walked back, about a mile and a half towards the village and Howden Water, and we just walked in silence. I didn’t know what to say. I’ve got the coordinates from her so I could find that place again. I’ve told Hetty she must come and meet you but she is reluctant to leave the nest for fear of breaking her cover, and the terrible reprisals that might follow. She’s also really worried that her parents will find out about her secret life as a twitcher. They think she’s been touring Scandinavia with the National Youth Jazz Band (she plays the trumpet).

Friday 3rd August ‘01 - 22.49pm

We have been back inside the complex today. I managed to get a brilliant recording of Aubrey O’Gough and Mave Parker and co talking about how they are fooling everyone with this hoax kidnapping thing (read an extract here). This is going to look really good when it comes out, boss.

Also today I picked up a copy of the local paper The Cumbria Advertiser and there was a long article about the kidnapping by a local reporter called Sandy Catanzaro (read an extract from her article here). She seems quite clued up on the case, having talked to both Jenny Luscombe (Mave’s sister) and Michael Macintyre, among others. Is it worth getting in touch with her at all?

I’m getting the coach back tomorrow, if I don’t hear from you to stay on. I think we have really made a breakthrough this week. O’Gough will need some pretty decent lawyers to sort this lot out, that’s for sure.

Hetty is determined to stay on here with the twitchers as a sort of double agent. She’s promised to e-mail me with any new developments. She’s a great friend, really. We've talked about just about everything.

Last night we were lying on the moor, watching the stars. She talked authoritatively about all the different types of constellations you can get. I woke up at one point to find that she was still going and either didn't mind or hadn’t noticed that I had been dozing (I was having a peculiar dream about the difficulties of trying to run a family owned boulangerie in Monaco on Grand Prix weekend).

She turned to me and whispered, ‘Will you be thinking about me when you’re back at work, at Alan’s Cycle Shop?’ I promised her that yes I would and would email her every day, time permitting. She turned away from me then.

I’m going to have to go now, sir, as the battery on the laptop is about to run out. Do you want me to come in to Channel Z next week at all? Let me know, sir. I’ll be back at work next week anyway. Yours, as ever - Ed.

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