Notes on the staff team -

Other people who may be involved

Channel Z Television

Old Monty's Field

Old Monty's Field, near Milford
Michael Ellen Olivia

Position: Station Chief

Date Commenced: 05.05.98

Position: Head of Programmes

Date Commenced: 05.05.98

Position: PA to Michael

Date Commenced: 12.09.98

Age: 36

Age: 38

Age: 23

D.O.B. 14.12.64

D.O.B. 24.04.63

D.O.B. 20.04.78

Marital Status: Ellen, 09.11.84

Marital Status: Michael, 09.11.84

Marital Status: Single

Car Parking Space: No.45

Car Parking Space: No.2

Car Parking Space: none

Achievements:

Credited with the great ratings turnaround which happened in 2000 when viewing figures reached 14,000 for the first time with the docusoap "A Plumber And His Mate"

Achievements:

Commissioning the script for "CHRIS - The Christopher Columbus Story" from the difficult and reclusive TV auteur genius Aubrey O'Gough

Achievements:

Has mastered CLAIT. She can turn a full pint of beer upside down without spilling a drop - using a beer mat. It's scientifically obvious why it works as I have pointed out before now. Blonde

Former Employment:

1996 - 1998: Media Studies Lecturer, South West Derbyshire College, Mayfield

1989 - 1994: Head of Operations, Lincoln Leather Products

1985 - 1989: Marketing Department, Lincoln Leather Products

1982 - 1985: Admin Officer, Lincoln Leather Products

Former Employment:

1994 - 1998: Creative Director, Little Wave Independent Television Productions

1987 - 1994: Creative Director and Commissioning Head, Polished Advertising Inc.

1984 - 1987: Worked in various departments, PGF Creatives & Associates Ltd, Norwich

Former Employment:

1997 - 1998: PA, George Brown & Associates, Little Eaton, Derbyshire

1996 - 1997: Administrative Assistant, Little Eaton School for Girls, Little Eaton

1994 - 1996: NVQ2 Administration, S.W. Derbyshire College, Mayfield

Has worked part time as a life model for art classes at S.W.Derbyshire College

Farm

When you stand outside near the dustbins you can catch this view of Mr Robinson's (rather overgrown) farm

Mave Rodney Edward

Position: Chief Cleaner

Date Commenced: 19.06.98

Position: Janitor

Date Commenced: 30.08.98

Position: Assistant Mail Person

Date Commenced: 23.07.98

Age: 68

Age: 31

Age: 22

D.O.B. 10.05.33

D.O.B. 05.09.69

D.O.B. 05.01.79

Marital Status: Stan, 04.07.52

Marital Status: Single

Marital Status: Single

Car Parking Space: No.17

Car Parking Space: none

Car Parking Space: none

Achievements:

Has saved a small fortune for the company by recycling used mops. Mave was nominated for the Employee of the Year award in 1999 and came close to winning, before being disqualified in the "First Aid at Work" round for refusing to administer mouth to mouth resuscitation to Rodney Clambake

Achievements:

Since starting work at Channel Z Television three years ago Rodney has been suspended from duty only twice. Once for impersonating a policeman outside of work hours, and once for "lewd conduct" during the staff outing to Alton Towers on May Bank Holiday 2000. Rodney's attendance record is just the right side of "Poor"

Achievements:

I started out in the mail room at Channel Z and I'm still working there now, despite applying for promotions. I have many special responsibilities, including keeping records of sickness and absence for the mail department. I also am very happy to show round new members of staff and help to supervise work experience people from time to time

Former Employment:

1995 - 1998: Cleaner, Charlies Coaches, Swadlincote, Derbyshire

1974 - 1995: Cleaner, Thames Buses, Camberwell, London

It is not clear where Mrs Parker worked before 1974, although she has two children, Jeff and Bradley

Former Employment:

1989 - 1998: Unemployed

1987 - 1989: Doorman at The Lucky Cloverleaf, which was an Ashton night-spot, now defunct

1984 - 1989: Apprentice Bricklayer, Derby

Former Employment:

1996 - 1998: College Student, Manifold Valley College, Derbyshire, retaking four GCSE's

Achieved passes in four GCSE's in total, including Mathematics (D) and English (C)

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Other staff members:

Blarnspot, Martin -
Executive producer of 'CHRIS'. Has been married to Eileen for twenty one years and they have four teenage girls - Jane (12), Jemima (10), Floella (8), and Jessica (7). Currently researching canalling romance with the working title 'Waterways Of Our Love'.

Bridge-Neilson, Samantha -
Samantha is really nice, a genuinely cheerful person and a good person to be around when everything or everyone's getting you down. She started off at Channel Z TV as a freelance writer and is now the regular scriptwriter for Boris Concert on 'Dictionary Diligence,' among other programmes. So those witty quips you hear him coming out with just before the breaks and at the start of the show aren't him being funny - it's all thanks to Sam!

Chance-Hero, Tony -
Baby-faced presenter genius. Owns a mansion in Essex and a palace in Barbados, among others. Frequent appearances in Bristol's 'Good Life' magazine have boosted his profile in the South West.

Chorlton, Sir Art -
President of Channel Z Television. Made his name managing a large chain of garden centres called ‘Let’s Grow Things’.

Concert, Boris -
Here's a press release about Boris. He's a good guy, I reckon:

'The avuncular host of 'Dictionary Diligence.' Now in his fifth decade in the entertainment industry, Boris started out as an entertainer at the tender age of five, when his mother encouraged him to attend a talent contest at the local working men's club. Concert wowed the sullen crowd with his childish rendition of 'On The Good Ship Lollipop.' The applause of the audience spurred a young and determined Boris on to develop his prodigious talent further.

By the age of eight he had hit the pop charts in his native Wales, with the clumsily titled balled 'I Does Love you Mam.' When he was seventeen, and with a string of international hits to his name, Concert became the regular host of 'The Jive Cats,' a TV show that ran for six years during the height of the swinging sixties.

During the 1970's Concert pursued a successful career as a solo artist, touring with the likes of Arnold Huckleberry & The Dweebs, and The Rob Fraction Explosion. He released a string of hit records, including his defining album, 'Spritzer Time.'

The eighties weren't good to Concert, and he suffered several personal misfortunes, including the well-documented custody battle with his fourth wife Cheri, in which he lost the right to perform any of his songs, including in the privacy of his own home.

Turning his talents to TV, Concert has hosted many successful shows on both cable and terrestrial stations, and now is thrilled to be your host on 'Dictionary Diligence' - the weekday quiz that 'lets the brain take the strain.''

Fenton, Johnny 'The Scissors' -
Chief editor at Channel Z and senior editor in charge of ‘CHRIS - The Christopher Columbus Story'.

Hanley, Dr.Jonathan -
The 73 year old Oxbridge don and regular contributor to 'Body Talk'. Known for his manner of speaking very slowly, and being repeatedly interrupted by Dr Rice, much to his exasperation.

Huddlewike, Peter -
Trainee floor manager. Worked at the station until recently on a scheme which was funded by the South Pennines Horse Chestnut Charity Fund-ation. Has left to start another career break. Always seemed to be spilling over with programme ideas.

Regis-Royle, Roger -
Head of Evenings at Channel Z Television. An avuncular 62 year old television veteran.

Rice, Dr Franklin -
The 34 year old Californian contributor to 'Body Talk. Known for his way of speaking very fast and interrupting Dr Hanley.

Riedle, Olivier -
Gallic TV presenter who is the host of 'Body Talk - With Rice & Hanley'.

Secombe, Geoffrey 'The Jock' -
Currently in prison for attempted armed robbery of a bank. Proposed host for Michael's new trains-related panel quiz.

Stewart, Tina -
Temporary secretary. Usually stands in for Olivia when she is away on a course, or on fact-finding trips abroad with Michael.

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