Mave Parker - Hostage to Fortune?

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Friday 3rd August ‘01 - 10.35am The inside of the Twitchers Nest is very spartan, with bare walls and an endess network of long dank corridors with overhanging pipework. There is one large dining room with rows of wooden trestle tables and benches where the twitchers have their meals twice a day. The men sleep in large dormitories, about sixteen in each one. (Hetty is one of only a handful of women and they have to share a very small dorm). The twitchers don’t seem to mind the discomfort or hardships - from what I can tell - and are presumably thinking about the payday they are going to eventually get. I guess there may be some who are still there for idealistic reasons, as Hetty was initially. However, you can rest assured that Aubrey O’Gough doesn’t live in the same dark confined quarters. I can reveal that he spends his time playing Boggle and sipping Mocha Capuccinos with his small coterie of admirers and hangers on. This recording was made from inside O’Gough’s own luxurious private suite, where he seems to spend much of his time. Also present were Joaquin - his right hand man - Mave Parker, her husband Stan and her son Bradley. O’GOUGH: That’s another game to me. That’s four nil to me in fact. I'm totally Boggling - in a manner of speaking. Er, do you want to play again? MAVE: No fanks. I’m not very good at literal thinking. O’GOUGH: (Sighing) You could learn, Mave. You could learn. MAVE: No fanks. I’ll stick to me knitting pattern. Ere Stan, pass us a Tina colada. STAN: There ya go, princess. BRADLEY: It’s a Pina Colada, mum. Ere, ave ya finished wiv the paper? O’GOUGH: Any word yet on the ransom money, Joaquin? JOAQUIN: Not as yet sir, but it has only been three weeks. Give them time. They’ll pay up. O’GOUGH: They don’t seem very keen to have you back, Mrs Parker. I wonder why? MAVE: Oh, it must be an administrone error type of thing. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure Rodney ‘as got all the cleanin’ under control. BRADLEY: They’ll give us the money - I know they will. O’GOUGH: And just remind me what it is you do, Bradley? BRADLEY: I’m a chimney sweep. O’GOUGH: I see. BRADLEY: Only problem is there aint much call for it these days. (Pause - the sound of childrens programmes can be heard faintly in the background) O’GOUGH (Coughs) Pringle, anybody? STAN: What are we doin' today, Mave, or will it be the same as every other day? MAVE: Oi! You can stop moaning, you great herbert! You wouldn’ be gettin’ a cooked dinner like this every day at ‘ome that’s for sure! (Pause) I’ll ave to be goin an’ puttin’ me sprouts and whatnots on for lunch. They won’t boil themselves. (Pause) BRADLEY: I’ll give you another game of Boggle if you like, dad. STAN: No son. I couldn’t stand any more. Pass us me slippers there, I’m gonna ave another kip. (Pause) O’GOUGH: Joaquin? JOAQUIN: Mr O’Gough. O’GOUGH: Will you explore the possibility of purchasing another fun family game. I think we have exhausted the entertainment value of this one (aside) after only one short session. JOAQUIN: But sir - they only had Boggle in Ottersdale. Do you want me to drive up to Kendal? O’GOUGH: (Wearily) Do what has to be done.

Extract from 'The Cumbria Advertiser' - Friday 3rd August 2001: "Kidnappers Still Hoping to Clean Up" "A spokesperson for the group who have kidnapped London-born cleaner Mavis Parker (69) has this morning again appealed to her employers, Channel Z Television, to come forward with a ransom payment of $500,000. ’If we don’t receive payment soon we will be left with no alternative but to explore other potential outcomes’, they said, somewhat vaguely. It is still not clear why Mrs.Parker should have been a target for the kidnappers, who call themselves the National Bird & Wildlife League. When asked why they are holding Mrs Parker the spokesperson appeared confused and disorientated, before hanging up. "Station Chief Michael Macintyre (37) said this morning that he will be holding Mrs Parker’s job open for her after all, a dramatic climbdown from his initial reaction which was to dismiss her with immediate effect. He commented, ‘I hope a solution can be found. We all hold Mrs.Parker in very great regard here at Channel Z. I know that we have become like a family to her over the few years that she has worked here. We sincerely hope she will come home to us soon.’ "Meanwhile, in the tranquil village of Widow’s Elbow life for Mavis’ sister Jenny Lucombe has been turned upside down. ‘Every hour brings fresh hope that she will be released unharmed. If only I could raise the $500,000 myself I surely would. I’m hoping to be able to sell some of my weavings in order to raise funds to help my dear lovely sister,' commented Mrs Luscombe yesterday. It is thought that plans are underway to start a charity appeal to aim to match the kidnapper’s demands, independent of anything Channel Z Television are prepared to do. Sir Art Chorlton, former garden centre supremo famous for founding the ‘Let’s Grow Things’ chain, was today keeping customarily silent on the issue of when or even whether the ransom money would be paid. "Rodney Clambake, who was last week quoted as saying ‘Come back soon Mave - I can't find the Mr.Muscle’ was today unavailable for comment."

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